I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
