i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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