so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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