I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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