he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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