I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
