do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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