Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
