I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
