Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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