I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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