There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
