Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
