I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
