Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
