How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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