so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
