Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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