Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
