I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
