Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
