When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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