I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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