...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
