So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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