He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
