obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
