he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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