the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
