After last night, I could never be a politician.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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