I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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