are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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