Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
