You just made me feel so damn special
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
