I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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