Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
