I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
