just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
