Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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