life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
