the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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