dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
