Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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