Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
