I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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