Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
