I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
