my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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