I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We have so much sex to catch up on
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
