census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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