She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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