Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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