she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
