I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Can Purell be used as lube?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
All the doctor said was why
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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