So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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