she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
