Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize