I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
