Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
