she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
