fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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