he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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