So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
