Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
