I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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