fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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